When trying to help can actually be toxic.

Someone on a group I am on just posted a topic about how you would feel if you found out you only had 24 hours to live; would you regret the things you haven’t done.

I wanted to post my reply because I think this is an important point and a sign that people think they are helping when reality they are sewing toxic seeds into people’s minds.

In subtly telling someone that they need to consider that they may regret what they haven’t done they are suggesting that we should have a list of things we want to do before we die; that id we don’t have that then we are wasting our lives.

Then there is the implication that if we don’t fulfil that list again, we are wasting our lives.

Finally, if they aren’t enough toxic subliminal messages already the final one is that if you are not meeting your goals and checking off those boxes you are somehow less a person than the one posting the message.  Somehow you must be considered weak and useless if you are not the kind of person who can jack everything in and white knuckle it trusting that the universe will provide it all while we follow our dreams.

I know that the motivation behind the post was a desire to encourage people to reach out and follow their dreams but we need to learn to be more compassionate and listen to the underlying messages we give when we are trying to encourage people.

Anyway… here is my reply, I hope it helps people see that these check lists are not necessary…

I personally don’t want to use fear of regret as a reason to do something, I want to do something because it inspires me.

When I get to the end of life what will actually be important to me? Will it matter whether I made it to Moscow or if I saw the northern lights?

We fear not achieving our list of check boxes because we don’t believe we will have another chance and because people tell us we should achieve tangible things in our lives.

In believing in reincarnation my priorities change. I know that if I don’t get to Moscow in this life there is time to try again in the next life. I also realise that it just isn’t important at all.

What matters more is that I have faced fears themselves not created reasons to have new ones. 

 What matters is that I have learnt to be compassionate and loving and that I haven’t accrued any more negative karma whilst evolving my soul at the same time.

What matters is that I have learnt to love myself enough to know that I haven’t given myself another rod to beat myself with by creating “a check list of things I need to do before I die” in the first place.

What matters is that I have been gentle on myself enough to accept that in this place and time I am not capable of doing much more than I am doing already. My boundaries can grow slowly, and it is important that they do so, but to believe that I could simply quit it all, face my fears and follow my dreams is just another reason to hate myself because I am simply not ready.

Although I cannot tell you how I would feel if I found out was going to die in 24 hours, until I face that there is no way I will know, but, I would like to think I have learnt to love myself enough to know that I did as well as I could and be happy with that.

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