One of the things I have learnt about myself and others whilst journeying with personality typology is that harmony is hugely important to me; most often the harmony of the group I am with, can empathise with, or that of a person within a group. I have also come to realise that other people do not have the same passion.
This is fine, but it leads me to be very sensitive to how things that are said for a compassionate reason, can be heard and passed on by others in a very different and toxic way.
Earlier in the week I was involved in a discussion on reincarnation and karma and it was suggested that people have come to experience, through regression work, that their abuse turned out to be part of a contract that they had with their abuser (please bear with me and read on). The person being spoken about found this to be very helpful in their healing journey and it was used as an example that it is possible that the root of our trauma may have been something we agreed to in between lives.
Whilst I found it heartening to hear this person found it healing I think this sort of opinion must be shared very carefully. It is only a tiny jump from this to saying that all victims chose their experience and that they should accept it as part of their journey. A jump that must not be made.
It is also common to hear karma being used to explain that a traumatic experience is punishment for either a past life, or this life act.
These kinds of “New Cage” (ref JEFF BROWN) philosophies must be taken out of our mind set. Victim shaming/blaming must not be considered part of a spiritual path. The person speaking above said there was no judgement, and I believe that she was saying it in a loving and celebratory manner because this person found healing through this route, but the responsibility of this information is huge.
Please, consider the people around you when you talk about why victims experienced what they did. I do believe that I agreed to go through what I did in my early adulthood, but I wouldn’t for a second tell anyone else that they had. That is only something you can decide for yourself.
On the other side of this coin, if you hear any New Cage philosophies that lead you to believe that your experiences were your fault; feel free to drop them like a hot brick. There should be no guilt or shame for what you have experienced. Sometimes bad people do bad things and our only part is to not let it beat us.
I wish you compassion on your journey, whatever form it may take